


Figures. You were right.

by Midgetgirl45



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Crying, Flower Talk, Friendship broken, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes, am i projecting, comment please, its bad, sorry - Freeform, try it, yes - Freeform, yes jared has a soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 03:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12622612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midgetgirl45/pseuds/Midgetgirl45
Summary: Jared gets yelled at and runs. He runs away like he always does. Angst ensues.Sue me its my second fanfic





	Figures. You were right.

Connor and Evan were happy. That’s all I ever wanted for him honestly. He was my only friend and I guess the “school shooter” type just whisks him of his pretty little anxious feet. I know I’ve been an ass, but he can’t see the real side of me. That side is fragile and weak and not something Evan needs. He needs someone like Connor, not me. He needs a big strong guy to protect him. Someone who will stand up for him and maybe not stand by. The hallways seem bigger and constant reminders of trees are only whispers heard as a distant memory. These are thing are things I can’t help but think about every day.   
I sit at the lunch table alone. The spot next to me is empty. Its seems sad like its aching to be loved by a young boy in a blue polo. That boy is too far away.   
It all started the first day of senior year. My first mistake was greeting him. “Hey Connor! Loving the new hairstyle. Very school-shooter chic.” It was a harmless joke one I’ve told many times. I mean how could I resist he looks like a fucking hot topic model. Connor was quickly angered by my passing comment and to my surprise Evan was the one screaming. “Jared! I’m- I’m sick and tired of you bull-bullying people around. You- You insensitive asshole. You don’t ca-care for other pe-people’s feelings. W-why? Is it because you a-are insecure ab-about yourself? You spend all-all your time ‘joking’ around. Wh-What for? Ever-Everyone knows about you. Jared Kleinman, the-the kid who’s a bro-broken puzzle piece.” Evan’s voice went louder and louder, from a quiet whisper to practically screaming as if he wanted the whole world to hear. Or maybe he did. I stood there in shock mostly. What he spoke was true and he knew. Everyone did. I swallowed thickly, “Fuck. You. Evan.”, I replied. My mind was screaming, and I did the only thing I knew how to. I ran. Blurs of color passed by. I ran so far and so fast that I was lost.  
Somewhere in the woods I stood. The tears I had been desperately trying to keep in were racing down my cheeks. Evan. Even his name was like a bullet through my heart. My childhood friend. Through sandboxes and Legos, he was there. I could always depend on him. Elementary, we were fish in an ocean of sharks. I stood up for him and return I wasn’t alone. He listened to me while I cleaned his cuts and tended his bruises. Everything was fine then, we were inseparable. Middle school kids matured. To this day, I’m not sure if this was a blessing or a curse. Physical violence was barbaric and stupid so instead of punches they hurled words. Sharp and brutal words, if you could come up with a name we were called it. I don’t remember much but it was all a blur of nicknames, closed locker doors, flushing toilets, and “spilled” lunch trays. Everyday Evan would turn to me and shakily ask, “Am I still your friend?” and every day I’d smile and take his hand in mine and reply, “Forever and always.” Stupid promises. Stupid kids.  
High school came and to me this was a chance. I was going to be cool. All these movies of the nerds and outcasts becoming the kings and queens of school was magical to me. I wanted that life to be mine. But I couldn’t forget Evan. His blonde hair and ocean blue eyes were something I was not prepared to lose. So, I brought him along. I brought him along to every part, every shopping trip, and every football game.   
I couldn’t see it working. His stuttering and general awkwardness was just not compatible with the person I wanted to be. So, I slowly drifted away. If I couldn’t do it with him then he would understand. Other kids would pick on him and of course I wanted them to stop. Years of torment flashed before my eyes and I would never let that happen again, so I stood there. God what an idiot. I became a parasite leeching of Evan not only because of the car insurance but, because he was my only lifeline to who I once was. The truth is I was lost without him. I had no purpose. Connor stole him, and I can see why.   
Connor, we may not see eye to eye. I apologize for my actions. You deserve Evan. Be a true friend to him. Be what I couldn’t handle to be. And for the record I like your hair. Being cool isn’t my thing and so it seems friendship isn’t either. I fail at everything I do so let’s hope this won’t be one of them. I can’t feel anything anymore so really what’s the point. I just wanted to say good bye and Evan for your dumb flower language, HYACINTH (PURPLE), PRIMROSE, and finally ROSE (YELLOW).  
Sincerely me,  
Jared Kelinman

**Author's Note:**

> Rose Yellow- forgive and forget  
> Hyacinith- Sorrow, I am sorry. Please forgive me.  
> Primrose- Young Love, Early youth, I can't live without you
> 
> Please comment. Was it good or bad? What can i do to improve?


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